The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”
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The feeling of the muscles in her stomach tighten was one Jenny was accustomed to. After suffering from Braxton Hicks for the past couple weeks, she chalked up the sensation to that. It was something she had learned to live with, to ignore.
"Just pay attention to the timing and frequency," her midwife once told her.
Like always, she was following that advice. With weeks until her due date though, the contractions just seemed like yet another bunch she would ignore as she sat in the garden. It had become the sanctuary for pregnancy woes. The first time she ever felt the muscles in her uterus tighten, she took solace in looking at the garden her and Theo made together. She even had laid on the grass for a bit while she waited for the sensation to pass.
As the feeling started to intensify, as if her body was sending warning signs of the impending events, Jenny clutched onto the chair she was sitting in.
"One.. two.. three.. four.." she counted to thirty while trying to hold her breath. The pain was being to become unbearable, causing her to hold her breath to try to deal with them.
They subsided. But only momentarily.
"One.. two.. three.. four.." she counted to thirty again.
While Braxton Hicks had been annoying, they had never been this active or this persistent.
Nonetheless, she tried to ignore them and focus on things around her. Bees. The rustling of the leaves in the wind. Anything but trying to talk herself into thinking that what she was feeling was active labor. Anything to keep her from alarming Theo in case what she was experiencing was false labor. She had read about it. All the mother forums spoke of women going through false labor, only to show up at their birthing destination to be sent home.
"One.. two.. three.. four.." this time, it was forty seconds.
The contractions came and went in intervals for a while. It wasn't until the feeling of fluids down her leg did she know what was really going on. Or rather, it wasn't until then that Jenny accepted what her body had been trying to tell her.
"Theo.." she finally called out.
"Baby."
"I think we need to get my bag.." for a while, she had a bag ready for when the time had come. And unless she was horribly mistaken, the time was now.
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Um.. well.. my water broke."
"Just pay attention to the timing and frequency," her midwife once told her.
Like always, she was following that advice. With weeks until her due date though, the contractions just seemed like yet another bunch she would ignore as she sat in the garden. It had become the sanctuary for pregnancy woes. The first time she ever felt the muscles in her uterus tighten, she took solace in looking at the garden her and Theo made together. She even had laid on the grass for a bit while she waited for the sensation to pass.
As the feeling started to intensify, as if her body was sending warning signs of the impending events, Jenny clutched onto the chair she was sitting in.
"One.. two.. three.. four.." she counted to thirty while trying to hold her breath. The pain was being to become unbearable, causing her to hold her breath to try to deal with them.
They subsided. But only momentarily.
"One.. two.. three.. four.." she counted to thirty again.
While Braxton Hicks had been annoying, they had never been this active or this persistent.
Nonetheless, she tried to ignore them and focus on things around her. Bees. The rustling of the leaves in the wind. Anything but trying to talk herself into thinking that what she was feeling was active labor. Anything to keep her from alarming Theo in case what she was experiencing was false labor. She had read about it. All the mother forums spoke of women going through false labor, only to show up at their birthing destination to be sent home.
"One.. two.. three.. four.." this time, it was forty seconds.
The contractions came and went in intervals for a while. It wasn't until the feeling of fluids down her leg did she know what was really going on. Or rather, it wasn't until then that Jenny accepted what her body had been trying to tell her.
"Theo.." she finally called out.
"Baby."
"I think we need to get my bag.." for a while, she had a bag ready for when the time had come. And unless she was horribly mistaken, the time was now.
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Um.. well.. my water broke."
At 5:30, they left for the birthing center, Jenny's overnight bag in hand while she tried to find Theo to help keep her calm. How could he though? She was going into labor. Somehow, it seemed more like she was trying to calm him down than the other way around. He had a way about worrying and she had taken a zen approach to birth since the pains started kicking in.
"Be calm! We gotta be calm and welcoming for Ellie," she had reminded him moments after informing him of everything her body was going through.
It was her approach to her labor. We need to be calm. It was the reason she picked a birthing center instead of a hospital. If it had been fully her way, she would have delivered in the comfort of their home but the idea had worried Theo and the two reached a compromise with the birthing center. It was still welcoming, less sterile and she could have the water birth she wanted for her and for Ellie. Research led her to believe it'd be the best option, the transition from womb to the world in an easy manner. Calming and serene. Everything her inner hippy desired for her daughter.
As they arrived at the birthing center, they were met by their midwife. She as ready to welcome Eleanor into the world and assist the soon to be new parents anyway they could. Which for the moment, meant trying to get Jenny as comfortable as possible.
"What's best for Eleanor is for you to breathe."
Breathe.
Breathing seemed easy. They taught that in lamaze. They taught that in prenatal yoga. Everywhere you go before you have a child is reminding you the importance of breathing.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
She focused on her body. Every movement she felt. It was like the world had disappeared and from around her, the only thing keeping her in the now was the sound of Theo's voice as he helped talk her through it.
"I'm so proud of you," he whispered as he held onto her hand.
"Be calm! We gotta be calm and welcoming for Ellie," she had reminded him moments after informing him of everything her body was going through.
It was her approach to her labor. We need to be calm. It was the reason she picked a birthing center instead of a hospital. If it had been fully her way, she would have delivered in the comfort of their home but the idea had worried Theo and the two reached a compromise with the birthing center. It was still welcoming, less sterile and she could have the water birth she wanted for her and for Ellie. Research led her to believe it'd be the best option, the transition from womb to the world in an easy manner. Calming and serene. Everything her inner hippy desired for her daughter.
As they arrived at the birthing center, they were met by their midwife. She as ready to welcome Eleanor into the world and assist the soon to be new parents anyway they could. Which for the moment, meant trying to get Jenny as comfortable as possible.
"What's best for Eleanor is for you to breathe."
Breathe.
Breathing seemed easy. They taught that in lamaze. They taught that in prenatal yoga. Everywhere you go before you have a child is reminding you the importance of breathing.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat. Deep breath in. Deep breath out.
She focused on her body. Every movement she felt. It was like the world had disappeared and from around her, the only thing keeping her in the now was the sound of Theo's voice as he helped talk her through it.
"I'm so proud of you," he whispered as he held onto her hand.
After five hours of labor. She was here. The sound of her scream was the most welcoming sound Jenny had ever heard. It meant that Eleanor was alive. That she was letting Theo and Jenny know that she was ready to finally come out. There bribing hadn't worked over the past few weeks, she had decided to come on her own.
The sight of her made Jenny cry. They were tears of joy. Tears of I can't believe I can finally hold her. She was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life.
As she looked at her daughter for the first time, she felt an overwhelming rush of love. Of possibilities.
The scream that Eleanor made to let her presence known was the same one that broke Jenny's heart. She wanted so badly to comfort the newborn. The stop her from crying. Not just now, but always. She wanted to protect her daughter from everything in the world. To hold her close to her chest and never let her go.
The moment she held her, every fear that ever crossed her mind of not knowing if she'd feel like a mom left. Every doubt that she felt over the past nine months disappeared. It was there, holding Eleanor that it all made sense. That everything she had been through during her pregnancy was worth it. It was worth the hyperemesis gravidarum. The tears that were split. Everything she had been through was worth it as she held onto her daughter for the very first time. As she looked at her. As she kissed her.
"She's perfect," she whispered through the tears that were still streaming down her face.
Looking at Theo, she knew he felt the same way too. That in their daughter laid a world of possibilities. A world filled with love that made both their hearts overcome with emotion. A world that would be a better place because of Eleanor Diana.
The sight of her made Jenny cry. They were tears of joy. Tears of I can't believe I can finally hold her. She was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life.
As she looked at her daughter for the first time, she felt an overwhelming rush of love. Of possibilities.
The scream that Eleanor made to let her presence known was the same one that broke Jenny's heart. She wanted so badly to comfort the newborn. The stop her from crying. Not just now, but always. She wanted to protect her daughter from everything in the world. To hold her close to her chest and never let her go.
The moment she held her, every fear that ever crossed her mind of not knowing if she'd feel like a mom left. Every doubt that she felt over the past nine months disappeared. It was there, holding Eleanor that it all made sense. That everything she had been through during her pregnancy was worth it. It was worth the hyperemesis gravidarum. The tears that were split. Everything she had been through was worth it as she held onto her daughter for the very first time. As she looked at her. As she kissed her.
"She's perfect," she whispered through the tears that were still streaming down her face.
Looking at Theo, she knew he felt the same way too. That in their daughter laid a world of possibilities. A world filled with love that made both their hearts overcome with emotion. A world that would be a better place because of Eleanor Diana.