I have made it to the promise land! As of Sunday, I entered my fourteenth week and was welcomed into the second trimester with warm arms! Or at least I want to pretend it was that way. Really, it was more like I was a sobbing mess, full of crazy emotions. This last week has been extremely hard on me. Not because of the HG (which, keeping my fingers crossed, is going away) but because of dealing with my ever changing body.

I wouldn't necessarily consider myself a vain person, and despite having a rather active lifestyle and healthy diet pre-pregnancy complications, I wouldn't say I was obsessed with my body, I just wanted to be healthy. Now that I'm putting on pounds, it's hard for me to look in the mirror and find myself attractive. Yes, I know that weight I'm gaining is because Birdy is growing inside me and requires nourishment to become big and strong, it's just something I've having a hard time dealing with. Not to mention the whole idea of sex is becoming somewhat taboo. I'm not by any means at the peak of my pregnancy and as round in the belly as I will be, but it's hard trying to adjust things in the bedroom to work with the bump.

This past weekend Theo and I decided to take a trip away from Larson for a few days which I originally thought would be a great plan. We even decided to bring a few things to spice up our time away since being intimate has been off the table pretty frequently (I keep joking with him it's just getting us ready for when we have the baby). But when it came down to it, I wasn't comfortable enough with my new shape to actually allow us to be close. Instead, he got to deal with me crying and talk me down from an emotional break down.

It's strange the things you never thought you'd be dealing with when it comes to pregnancy. When my sister was pregnant, I remember hearing her say negative things about her body and thinking "you're pregnant, your weight gain is because you're pregnant" but now that I'm here, I completely understand where she's coming from. Pregnant or not, putting on weight is initially hard to adjust to.

My goal for the week? Remind myself daily that I am beautiful and that I am growing a healthy baby. I'm not round or huge. I am pregnant.

I'm in my last week of my first trimester and it looks like the woes of HG are finally starting to go away! You have no idea how exciting this is and how happy I am to finally feel like I'm not going to die. I'm also able to eat and finally keep stuff down which has made me want to go "hallelujah, praise something!" Being able to eat also has come hand in hand with pregnancy cravings. People weren't lying when they said pickles would be something I'd crave. Fried pickles to be exact. And fried zucchini. I'm making myself hungry just talking about this. I swear, my boyfriend probably thinks I'm crazy with all the stuff I tell him I'm craving during random parts of the day, though I think he's enjoying part of it. My pre-pregnancy way of eating seems to be out the window as I chow down on ribs and burgers and everything else Birdy seems to be craving. If it wasn't for the HG and the loss of roughly ten pounds, I'd probably try to resist such not so good for me foods but my doctor told me before that anything I crave, I need to try and eat since my body is needing it for some reason. Not to mention the fact that I need to try to get to a normal pregnancy weight so that way my little Birdy will come out at a normal weight as well.

Despite the signs of HG going away, I'm still on bed rest since occasionally throughout the day I'll find myself feeling sick or a little worse for wear. Not working is driving me insane though. I feel so unproductive sitting at home all day doing nothing. I swear, my house has never been cleaner. But it's given me time to look into things (pregnancy classes, researching different types of labor though I'm pretty much sold on a water birth, looking at things for a nursery for a house we don't quite have yet, etc, etc). Still, even with all the research, I can't take being unproductive for much longer. I have no idea how maternity leave will work when it comes times for that but I guess I'll approach that when it's time.

So far it seems like this week might be an easy week so I'm hopeful that come my next update, I won't have any negative subjects to touch on (fingers crossed!) but for now, I'm off to start browsing maternity wear online since I don't know how much longer I can fit into my regular clothes. If you can't tell by the picture, I'm getting pretty big, pretty fast (probably all that food I'm eating). Wish me luck on my online searches!

I decided to take the first picture of my belly! Probably should have started this earlier but better late than never? As the sign in the picture says, I'm twelve weeks along! And only two more weeks until I'm out of my first trimester and hopefully over the HG once and for all. Or at least I'm hoping. Apparently some women continue having symptoms throughout their entire pregnancy. The thought of that alone is enough to make me want to cry. Dramatic? Probably. But only if you're part of the lucky population who didn't get to experience the wonderfulness that is hyperemesis gravidarum. For those like myself who got to be in the tiny percentile diagnosed with it, you know that the thought of dealing with it for all nine months is a horrible thought. But it seems like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm not constantly sick anymore and am able to function, though on bed rest. Maybe the bed rest really was what I needed since burning the candle at all ends was just making me sicker and sicker. Though I have to admit, taking a break from work and TWAS (The Wild Animal Sanctuary) has been really, really hard on me. I hate feeling like I've dropped all my responsibilities and let everyone down by having to take a break but I have to keep reminding myself it's worth it in the long run, for my health and for Birdy's.

Apparently this week, Birdy is the size of a grapefruit. I guess it's a good thing I'm not super hungry lately or I'd be turned away from grapefruits. Can I just say I don't get why we compare the growth of a fetus to food. I mean, I get why, it's a common thing people know the size of but it has made me terrified of the food that is apparently the size of Birdy. Each week there's a different one that I side eye while walking down the grocery store aisle "hey, something is the size of you in my stomach right now.. I think I'll pass on eating you." Why don't we use other size references? This week, your baby is the size of a tennis ball (not comparable to a grape fruit) would be much easier to take because I don't eat those and won't be frightened when I see someone biting into one. Seriously. I had the urge to go "NO, MY BABY!" one week when I saw someone eat an apple. I'm going insane, I swear.

Since this week is going to be another on bed rest, I doubt anything really exciting will come over the course of the next seven days. But in case it does.. I'll let you know!

Despite Theo and I agreeing to wait to buy anything for little Birdy until we're in a house of our own, I haven't been able to stop myself from window shopping. Or more appropriately, web shopping. The other day I had tons of tabs open of things I wanted just because of the pure fact that I thought they were adorable. But I resisted! So instead of pining over cute baby things, I've decided to introduce you to what I'd like to call "WANT IT. NEED IT. GOTTA HAVE IT."

Elephant Mobile (via etsy). As someone who's obsessed with elephants, I feel it's only natural to shove that love down my future kids throat. Kidding, kidding. But seriously, it's so adorable and I just can't help to want it.

Soft Infant Tub (via Puj Baby). While yes, I know that I don't need fancy baby sink bath time things, but I feel like having one would be beneficial when it just Theo or I trying to bathe Birdy and don't have a helping hand to support all the necessary spots. It comes in a variety of colors (I'm partial to the aqua and kiwi) and with it's easy set up/storage, it seems like I might be purchasing this later on.

Co-Sleeper (via Culla Belly). I know the topic of co-sleeping is a touchy one but personally, I'm a fan of the idea. So for me, it's a no brainer that at some point, I will be buying this (or one similar to it). While I would love one for the middle of the bed, I understand the boyfriends hesitation for it so a side sleeper will be wonderful since it'll give me a chance to bond with Birdy while being able to take care of them while they are sleeping easier.